Self Made Cage...
Few days have now passed. Time has expanded a bit, to which I can now pack up my apartment with a bit more ease and grace, instead of like some night time robber trying to get as much as I can out in flash of a moment (Hurry! Grab the valuables!!!). I have also allowed the human emotions of fear, guilt, shame, terror...etc etc etc to move. Now transmuted, I can once again be centered and view this experience for what it is...from another expanded perspective. The reality is, I had created a cage for myself.
My self made cage is a lovely cage, very comfortable cage, indeed! Which is why I didn't want to see it as a cage. I love living where I live. However, due to the financial flow that I am currently moving, I could not explore anything else, but my cage. The door is open to this cage, it always had been, no one had "trapped" me here, but me.
We are where we are at 'cause of the choices we make...and my choices have not always included investments or a nice "cush" for times like now. I prefer to purchase Gucci products then Gucci stock!!! I have always moved the energy of money like tomorrow will never come, yet tomorrow does come into my reality. This is not a judgment, per se, just a realization and an opportunity to be aware of a pattern/belief that obviously no longer serves me.
When I realize how I have been living for the past two months, it really wasn't freedom, and I confided and isolated in my comfortable golden cage. I paid the rent, but then I couldn't do anything else. No movies, no dinner out...even juggled between groceries and utilities. I was even advised to have some energy work done to assist in clearing the aura after the Oct./Nov mass release, but yet could not do that. Even a trip to the nearby water wasn't possible, because i had to chose a few trips to the reservoir or have enough gas to take my son to school.
I definately was going kicking and screaming. Was it the big EGO? Probably! There is a lot to be said of having your own space and not live under someone else's roof. I shall miss walk-in closets, walking around in my boxers, and not being cold. Great thing however, is at least during moments of needing to be grounded, I can at least drive to the reservoir for a walk and some alone time. I can take my son and have some moments of amusement that we know that we enjoy, then being restricted indoors all the time.
I shall keep pressing forward, even if I am walking backwards with an etheric Fuck You to the Heavens, and an Adieu to the past.
I'm starting to once again in this moment, feel a sense of freedom. I don't know how long that will last, but for now it feels good. I can feel the possible potentials lurking around the corner. What those potentials are, I do not know. However, I feel that feeling freed from my cage, attracts more of the essence of freedom.
Being able to be more free and financially do more of what I enjoy, will also bring more joy. It's not that I wasn't content in my cage, by all means...but I now can feel that not doing joyful things, not feeling free to explore, etc would keep me in that place of neutrality and somewhat in limbo.
What happens from here...I don't know. For the moment I'm heading towards my parent's home. Who knows, maybe to practice being centered and see the God within everyone. Learn to remain centered in the mist of negativity, alcoholism, gossip, and whatever else is in the cesspool of shit in that house. Thank God I'll have gas money to go somewhere if the stench gets too strong, or my Dad's yelling gets to intolerable.
I'm hoping to be pleasantly surprised that it will be the most wonderful, joyous experience, and totally unexpected.
I'm ready for a new beginning! Even if starting this new journey entails going out of my comfort for a bit. Small sacrifice to make when the potential outcome is to be totally free!!!
Love,
Carol
