Home is Where the Heart Is?!??!??

I had a wonderful day today.  Went off to Berkeley (I did get lost for a bit, but I finally made it..hahaha)  to meet a new friend for lunch.  The weather was decent...the food was good, and the conversation was wonderful to hear.  I really loved hearing anothers experiences and stories.  It was so refreshing.  I had a deep heart felt desire that it would last longer...but the Universe reminded me "this too shall pass", and the time came to end such a lovely time and go home.


I didn't want to go home.  I didn't!  I drove and drove wanting to go anywhere but home.  As I continued driving, I flashed on some time ago, when I had "issues" when it came to going home..No, not when I lived with my parents...but even after, when I lived alone.  I much preferred people watching, long nights outs...day trips and road trips..I'd spend days away from home...anything to not sit around and be home.   

It's interesting...I had earlier in the day had mentioned that I liked this less active social life I have had for the past three years...but maybe the truth is, that I am ready to no longer be the hermit type and go back "outside to play" again.  Hard part is, so much has changed within myself, that I would have to re-discover things I would like to go do.  I've come too far to which I can't go back to how it was...even if i tried..so what I may have enjoyed in the past, I might not now...know what I mean? I'm sure there is some pattern here, but I don't feel like looking at it.

I drove to Home Depot for more paint...yet I couldn't figure out where else to go from there.

As I pulled up in front of my parents house...I actually felt a bit down.  Not enough to "rain on my parade" of such a wonderful lunch time...but "that" slight sadness was there and I don't really know why.  I had that almost overwhelming desire to drive anywhere but here...like drive straight to Colorado or something and not come back for a few weeks.

I have always heard that home is where the heart is.  So, I interpret that, that no matter where I am...I am home..for my heart resides in my being.  But what causes this slight melancholy and the feeling of not wanting to walk thru the door?

I wonder if part of this feeling has to do just with the desire to be outside...and the desire to be around wonderful people like I was with today.  And that overwhelming feeling that where I belong is not here...but it is here on Earth, if that makes any sense.  No where, but wanting to be everywhere that resonates, and with those that I resonate with.  I don't know if that is a judgement, per se, of not accepting All...but it's how I feel in this moment.

I am hoping today has brought into my awareness that it's time for me to start living again...and not just existing.  What I was defining as a  time of respid, seems to have played out long enough.  Which, just writing the last sentence, shifts my spirits and brings the sense of anticipation...in a good way.

Regardless, I smile from such a wonderful day...and shall float away on that good feeling...


Kero
xoxoxo

I Feel Warm Again!

It's been cold...damn cold.  I can feel it in my bones.  My knees hurt, my feet are cold.  I wonder at times, is it cold or is my body giving me some nudges and reminders of it's age?  

Am I cold hearted?  It could be that I'm not loving or being in Self love, so it manifests as a cold body.  Am I dead!?!  Hmmm, maybe I'm not letting in more of my soul self...my essence that has kept me warm and sweater less for quite some time now.  Just like when ones essence leaves the shell body after the human death.

I become aware of my thoughts..rambling on and on...complaining, and focusing on and on about the cold.  I say "fine, I'll just wear a jacket...".  Yet the confinement by a puffy jacket, 24/7 suffocates me.

I then hear Self tell me..."cold is an illusion...".  I repeat it over and over as I drift off to sleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night...taking off my sweater...frantically tugging off my socks.  Sticking one leg out from under the covers...Ohhhhh YES!!! WARMTH!!!!  I get up and turn off the heater...YES! YES!  And so I go back to bed for round two of some sleep!

Finally I wake up with a smile!  

As I go out in the back yard, for my morning coffee and smoke...I'm welcomed by the Sun and it's magnificent rays.  My beloved one that I had not seen for weeks!!  The most beautiful morning present!  I haven't been aware of such a lovely present in years.  I shall keep some of this sunshine in my etheric pocket of consciousness, to pull out when I need a reminder of home and a smile!! 

Thank you dear Universe, I feel warm again. I know I'll be alright :)

Carol

xoxoxo